THE ONLY SHAME IS IN NOT BEING YOURSELF

Written by: Craig Dunkleberger

I spent forty years in the closet, mostly because I was afraid. I lived a life of fear. Afraid of being found out. Afraid of losing my job. Afraid of being treated differently. Afraid of losing my friends and family. So after forty years in the closet, two years ago I came out and all of my fears came true. I was found out, I lost my job, I was treated like I was less, and was disowned by some of my friends (the ones that I shouldn’t have been friends with in the first place) and my family treated me differently. Even after losing all of these things, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would rather be myself. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and there is definietly nothing wrong with being honest. Honesty is a virtue.

This fear that I felt, and living a life filled with fear is just like living as a Jew during the Holocaust. That is no way to live. That isnt a life worth living. So, even though I lost everything, I know I will be ok, because I am honest with myself and everyone else about who I am. Coming out of the closet and “living your true” is one of the most vulnerable and liberating experiences that I have ever had in my life. Because I love and respect myself, I really don’t care what other people think about me. Losing all of this “fear” has made me a totally different person. It has made me a better person. It has made me myself.

Some people see this change in me and then they want that for themselves, so they want to be gay so that they can have that feeling. The problem with that is, that if they are straight, they are already liberated. So, this jealousy that they feel and the fact that they don’t feel that is their choice not mine. I don’t choose to live like that any more. Gay pride happeneds one month out of the year. Straight pride happens during all twelve. There is nothing wrong with being gay and if you think there is something wrong with being gay, then there is something wrong with you. Even Pope Francis came out in support of gay marriage equality and the notion that “love is love” and marriage equality. Homphobia is the fear of “sameness”, so what are you really afraid of? Are you afraid that you are gay, or are you afraid of the way gay people are treated. In many cases, you are the worst offenders. I am sorry to say it, but it is true.

Sometimes parents take it personally when their child is gay. They feel that they did something wrong as a parent. Just remember, “Having a gay son or daughter doesn’t mean that you failed as a parent, disowning your child means that you have failed as a parent.” Treating a gay adult son like a child means that you have failed as a parent. You need your friends and family by your side to love and support you. If they loved you before, for living a lie, then imagine how much more they should love you for living a truth! You are happy. You are free. You are different. You are youself, and that is the best you that you can be. If they really care about you and love you, isn’t that exactly what they want for you? That is an interesting question, indeed!